Lawyers, Stockbrokers in it for the Money

(New York, NY) – The Institute for Workforce Motivation, a privately-funded think tank, has released its first “Report on Motivational Factors in the White-Collar Workforce.” The report seeks to explain and categorize why people enter the lines of work they do, and what motivates them to greater performance.

This initial document, in what is to be a series of reports on the white-collar job sector, focuses on the specific motivations of Lawyers and Stockbrokers. The key-motivating factor for both professions, it seems, is money.

57% of lawyers surveyed indicated salary as their primary motivating force. 23% cited being able to save money by performing legal services for themselves. 13% said their parents made them go to law school and they don’t know why they’re still doing it. 4% said, “Chick dig lawyers. 1% did not respond. 2% of lawyers surveyed responded with a restraining order.

“Never underestimate the value of being your own lawyer,” said surveyed lawyer Chuck Milbon. “I estimate I’ve saved 4 million dollars over the last 12 years, handling my own traffic violations, parking tickets and last 3 divorces.”

Survey results from stockbrokers were even less diverse. 72% said earnings were their primary motivation. 15% reporting being around money as a key factor. 8% thought their business cards could get them into better clubs. 3% enjoy over-working their interns. 2% had no idea what the survey was about.

“What more could you want from a job,” asked stock broker and survey respondent, Walter Bimpsky. “They pay me money for spending their money, when I tell them to spend it. And I get an expense account, too.”

Spokesmen for the Institute for Workforce Motivation said the survey results should speak for themselves. The Institute does not endorse the interpretation of its findings, but interested individuals should call (212) 555-6969 to purchase interpretations.