Ever have some idiot executive demand a presentation you weren’t prepared to give? Before, you’d have to cut into valuable drinking time to research your topic. Well, fear not, my trod-upon friend, Indignant Online will show you the to slip around the imposition and still make happy hour.
- Dress properly. Wear a suit to disguise your inherent lack of care in the subject at hand. Wear an ugly tie. A very ugly tie. An ugly tie, you see, will draw attention away from your nervous, sweaty face. Let’s face it; you’re going to be too hung over to project confidence, anyway.
- Buzzwords. Executives love them. They don’t necessarily have any idea what they mean, but they love buzzwords. Plant buzzwords throughout your presentation, then throw in a few more at random. Nobody will know their actual definition, so you needn’t fret over the context.
- Product names. Whatever topic you’re presenting on, there must be a couple of products that can used. Drop a couple product names. Don’t bother explaining what the products do. Details are fodder for questions, and you if wanted to be answering questions, you wouldn’t be reading this.
- The presentation topic. The worst thing you can do in a presentation is directly address its topic. This would require an understanding of the topic, and, worse yet, you might have to come up with a solution. Addressing a topic requires a time commitment, and that simply will not do. The best way to approach the topic is to talk around it. Use the aforementioned methods of buzzwords and product names to redirect interest when referencing the presentation topic. Remember, never define anything.
- Consultants. If you have the sort of executives that like clean conclusions at the end of a presentation, there’s one safe recommendation that can never fail: getting a consultant. Bear in mind, the more expensive the consultant, the more faith your executives will have in your conclusions. After all, you get what you pay for, and they’re certainly over-paying you.